#love a stew day

[oflights]

it was so gross and rainy today and i made beef stew with mashed potatoes and ate it on the couch with ray while watching hockey and it was very cozy and nice and delicious

[panstarry]

my final from last semester that i made into a zine. cooked this one up in a couple hours before the critique (the ink was still wet!), so it's very raw and kind of sloppy but the sentiment is there. i love you trans people of color. we are the backbone of this community 🌟

[lemongogo]

they should get to kill each other at least twice .i think

[crabussy]

IS ANYONE ELSE FEELING KIND TODAY!!! IS ANYONE ELSE FEELING GENEROUS TOWARDS OTHER PEOPLE!!! IS ANYBODY ELSE BEING KIND AND TRYING TO UNDERSTAND EVEN WHEN ITS HARD!!! IS ANYONE ELSE ASSUMING THE BEST OF OTHERS INTENTIONS AND RESPONDING IN KIND!!!! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME

[thesaintofnevergettingitright]

ok no wait I'm so sorry I'm gonna be a party pooper, but this??? Kinda pissed me off??

Now don't get me wrong, I'm a firm bi!Jamie truther. 100% no doubt about it.

BUT

Jamie is not canonically bi. There was absolutely no indication of him being any flavor of queer on the show. But you know who is?? You know who ACTUALLY deserved a shoutout from Apple TV as the ~Ted Lasso Bisexual~

FUCKING KEELEY!

Like the *wink wink nudge nudge* about Jamie is cute in a Queer-baity way, but why the hell are they not making some noise for the actual bisexual on bisexual visibility day???

Give Keeley her flowers!! Now!!!

Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I just feel like this is annoying at best, and erasure at worst.

[fisheito]

Well THat doesn't seem right....

[3416]

just need to give a shoutout to all the people who interact w me or the things i make on here for the love and good vibes. twitter's been pissing me off the past couple days and i just think it reaffirms i'll never really leave tumblr bc the fandom culture here is just so much.. more lol

[lovesodeepandwideandwell]

ok this is a deeply deeply weird manifesto and i'm sorry but i feel suddenly very burdened to say it so. if you felt like we were friends and i unfollowed you, this is for you. (don't be scared this is not about problems with anyone this is just my mess. that I think is ok to have which is why I'm talking about it)

so I joined tumblr in 2020 when a) the world was isolated b) I had just moved to a new city and was living alone taking Zoom classes in my apartment. what started as a mindless distraction became such a lifeline of connection and friendship! and still such a support as things started to open back up and get busier in 2021, when I was teaching and in class in person but still struggling for close in-person friendships. I know the group dynamic on here has shifted a number of times, as some of you probably experienced from various vantage points. my use of tumblr has shifted too, on and off, as I've needed different things out of it and been in different spiritual and emotional states. and I've kind of come to realize that I probably threw myself in too eagerly in some ways. it was so exciting to have actual friends on here and for them to actually turn into friends in person, that honestly I maybe prized that dynamic too much for what it symbolized over actually valuing the people. I'm sorry for doing that.

anyway, that worked fine for a bit, but as (glory be to God) I've become much more plugged into my in-person community in the last couple years, I've felt more and more emotionally strained. I've taken up a new attitude towards my family that's much more in line with God, but also much more draining as it means I have to just pour out in prayer and love and wait with patient sorrow over some things rather than fighting and defending my perspective as always right and necessary; and then there's the church-related grief my family has gone through over the last year. I've had a very delicate and difficult friendship that pulled up a lot of unresolved stuff from a college situation and felt endlessly wearying at times. I've had another issue from college recur in a way I thought had been healthily resolved years ago. I've had this whole roommate marriage situation that as y'all know is a very weird trial and pressure. My church has been dealing with a strange and tough ongoing struggle that was already stressing me out before I started working there. My small group has been amazing and I've loved connecting with and relying on them more, but that connection also means more fully bearing the griefs of a lot of different people dealing with the different struggles of life. My advisor situation has been so weird and tough, making my academic work really hard, and then this recent church work has been fulfilling but physically and often mentally exhausting. My future location, work, and community is up in the air after a few years of stability. (I really didn't mean to make this a recitation of my woes, but honestly it's really helpful to see it all written out here; helps explain my deep deep exhaustion, I guess.)

If I ever followed you on tumblr, I love you. In a number of different ways. I feel fondness at the thought of you and at your presence; I want to know you more fully; I desire the good for you; and I find my well-being to be, at least a little bit, tied up with yours. That last one is the rub. As I'm sorting through all the callings and duties in my life, trying to identify what counts as changing my tires versus what wears my tires out, I've found that my tumblr dashboard can switch back and forth very unpredictably between one thing and the other. Often it's a delight to come on here and find my friends and the cool things we're showing each other and the joys and sorrows and goofy moments of our lives! But at other times, when what I desperately need is an escape and rest and humor to provide solace from in-person cares, I find myself pricked all over again by the sorrow of the world and the stress of sin--or even just irritated by stuff I find irrelevant or disagree with or don't want to be reminded of.

To be clear, I'm not saying anyone's doing anything wrong on here. The opposite; I love the freedom y'all have to seek out what helps you, whether that's a lot of facts and ideas or a lot of goofy content or recipes or weird TV or music or venting about life or seeking prayer or advice! We all have the freedom and responsibility to determine how to use the tools we have to aid us in pursuing the good, whether the good is a quick laugh or building up virtue. But I think for me, at this point in my life, my duty and calling has swung back towards my in-person connections in a variety of ways, and I have to honor that.

The lie of infinity that the internet offers is just that--a lie. for me, that lie right now is being laid bare in my inability to have infinite care for everyone whose path I cross. I could follow everyone on here whom I'm endeared to, could keep messaging and replying and building relationships, but it would be a lie to think I can offer that love and care to everyone I would like to. In-person friendships are limited by physical proximity and time; online friendships can't be unlimited either. I need to apologize for acting as though they could be, and committing myself beyond my limits; but also, my life has really changed, and I'm not going to be caught either by the lie that online is only worthwhile if it's permanent.

I want to be clear that I value the connections I've had with you. I've loved exchanging mail and phone calls, messaging fun things back and forth, being online at the same time or learning about your day after the fact. Please know, also, that I have gone to war in prayer for you, and I continue to do so. I wish that I knew how to love widely without feeling pulled apart and worn down, by difference and sorrow and sin (mine and yours). I hope God is sanctifying me toward that end. But right now I'm fairly convinced I need to honor my calling to in-person friendships; I need to protect my mind and heart from even little pricks and distractions, so that I can keep my desires in order and use my energy for prayer and Scripture and to do good work and love the people God's made my physical neighbors. I really do love you, and I wish we had infinite time to talk and think together. I'm so excited to be with y'all in heaven forever. And who knows--maybe my life will shift yet again (it's looking likely) and I'll have a ton of spare energy and love and will come sheepishly back looking to connect with you again. We'll see. You deserve love and attention and connection, in person and online, and I'm sorry that--at least as it feels to me--I held out the promise of giving you that and then had to withdraw it.

so. there's all that. My dash is super quiet these days, thwarting my dopamine search but pushing me towards texting friends, towards meditating more fully on Scripture, towards praying over my work and burdens. I hope you can understand and maybe even be glad that, God willing, this is how I'm able and needing to work for the kingdom right now. love you love you

[tacky-optic]

i have unprompted lupin-esque questions pop into my stream of conscious, interrupting my day-to-day wholesale, and one of them is "damn. does lupin only have three companions because zenigata never caved and joined him". like what kind of question is that??

i think its one of the more recurring ones because the sorta lines in lupin tv/films that're like "kinda surprising you're a cop" or "you'd fit in real well with us" or, the wombo combo of the two, "your skills are wasted on your job" really dig into my brain and won't feckin' leave.

in a lot of iterations, jigen and goemon meet lupin when they're tasked with killing him. fujiko's essentially his other rival. and yet, despite whatever the rest of the gang may be doing or whoever they pledge themselves to or whatever other jobs they might take on they always wind up right next to lupin again. on the same team, even.

and then there's zenigata. the sole obstinate holdout. they truce, they save each other's lives, have an avengers bonus credit scene shawarma lunch, etc etc. yet he isn't *with* them. he dips after they stop some evil billionaire from blowing up a city for some asinine power/profit grab or whatever the fuck, shouting that he'll "get them next week" while comically shaking his fist at the sky, and jigen rolls his eyes for the dozenth time and goes "that guy'll never change, will he". no jigen, he won't. when things calm down he'll sit alone in his office and do paperwork for all the property damage he caused with lupin & co. like he always does.

lupin and zenigata prefer it that way, obviously. they know their roles and how to play them. zenigata's too good to be a cop but he's also too good to be with lupin. lupin will kill in self-defense whereas zenigata will *not* kill, period. a la "life is a much more incredibly significant thing".

and then there's the *other* obviously-- the adversarial aspect. they can only *truly* challenge each other if they're on opposing sides. jigen stuck around after lupin beat him. goemon pledged his allegiance to lupin after he bested him. fujiko cozies up to lupin because it's easier than outright contesting him. but lupin is the best criminal and zenigata is the best cop. of course they'll never swap sides. they have the most fun from where they are.

"but tackyyy, what if he *did* join them?" you may ask. well whether it'd be cathartic for zenigata or not aside, there's some other q's that come up that deserve some consideration.

would the gang finally be "complete" if zenigata finally shed his inspector title? what would that look like, how would it work out? what does that even *mean*? is lupin just collecting people he thinks are neat? if so, if a hypothetical (realllllllly emphasizing that hypothetical btw) fourth-- someone with skills on the right level and surprisingly good chemistry with the gang-- came along, would lupin welcome them? or would lupin look at zenigata and go "nah, i'd rather have *that* guy"? lots of stuff to explore.

but at the end of the day there's one thing that really gets my brain gears turning. i think zenigata's higher-ups imagine him on lupin's side and shudder. i think *zenigata* imagines himself on lupin's side and shudders. i think the only way his full potential can be realized is if he's with lupin *permanently*. those blips of unbridled feral skill wouldn't be blips anymore. they'd be normal. and devastating. and the five of them would be unstoppable. and maybe that'd scare him, finally knowing exactly what he's capable of. maybe it *already* scares him, knowing he's the only one who can decide what happens.

[soup-official]

This is a niche one but I just have to know

[welcome-to-the-end-of-eras]

Pulleyverse Characters as ATLA Benders

Mori: If any one of the pulleyverse characters were to be the avatar it would definitely be Mori, but if he weren't the avatar I think he would be an earth bender who specializes in metal bending. Like I think he would have so much fun making little metal sculptures and moving structures and stuff like that, not unlike the Beifongs in LoK. So combining those ideas, he'd be an avatar born in the Earth Kingdom who very much does not want to be the avatar.

Shenkov: He's definitely a fire bender, no question. He has that classic fire bender strength and honor routine basically engrained in him from a young age, and I feel like he could be pretty accomplished as a fire bender, but again he probably wouldn't want to do much fire bending. He'd kinda be like an Iroh situation; was and could be the strongest person in the room if he let loose, but all he really wants is some tea.

Joe: Water bender, and a damn good one too. He really mastered the calm meditative nature required of a water bender, (the man stared blank faced at a ticking bomb two feet from him, for Christ's sake) but he can also be really ruthless about it too. I don't necessarily think he would be a blood bender or anything like that, but he would definitely be able to pull the freezing rain thing like Katara.

Missouri: He would also be a water bender for the same reasons as Joe, but I think he would in fact be a blood bender. In the world of ATLA, blood benders are very widely feared, and for good reason, and I think Missouri would absolutely be capable of using something like blood bending to instill fear in people. He wouldn't like doing it of course, but he could and would if necessary.

Gale: They're very much an air bender. They're very calm and meditative when they need to be, and that is how they prefer to be, but they could definitely pull a Yangchen and just go buckwild if they needed to. And I feel like of all the pulleyverse characters, they're the least attached to their "earthly desires" (and that is relative bc none of these mfs are detached at all). Plus imagine them having a fuckin MAMMOTH as their little companion buddy instead of a bison!!! A big ass flying mammoth!!!

Valery: I honestly think Valery would be a non bender. He's all for science and everything like that, and of course benders can be scientists, but I feel like he would spend a lot of time studying what makes people able to bend instead of being a bender himself. If I were to choose one element for him I would probably choose fire, but at the end of the day it makes the most sense to me if he were more interested in studying bending.

Merrick: Earth bender. There is no other answer for him that earth bender. He's very grounded and stable in his character, but also undeniably strong. His arc about overcoming the "weakness" he feels after his leg gets messed up honestly is very reminiscent of Toph to me, and I feel like he would absolutely take the time and learn from the creatures of the earth to become an incredibly powerful earth bender. Also adding in him being a mentor for Mori and it's just >>>

Raphael: I feel like he would also be an earth bender tbh. Like he just so ardently respects the land he lives on and constantly learns from his environment to adapt, especially considering he can't always rely on the people around him, so he would turn to learning from the world around him. If I were pressed to choose another one I think he could also fit into the fire bender role, but I prefer the earth bender interpretation tbh.

January: He honestly could be a non bender too, but the Sokka kind of non bender who takes the time to learn actual fighting moves from all of the nations and become just an incredibly powerful fighter on his own. I feel like he would be especially inspired by air nomad moves being a dancer and all, and that would be the way he bonds with Gale which I think is vvv cute.

Thaniel: he has stumped me this entire post, which is very odd considering I think about this man at least five times a day, and the best conclusion I think I've drawn is he'd either be a non bender or an earth bender. So probably then a non bender born in the earth kingdom, because he does embody the earth kingdom ideals of maintaining outward strength and balance in life, but not necessarily the actual ideals of an earth bender. And tbh he seems like he couldn't give less of a fuck about bending.

[adamarks]

Doing big things today (making stew)

[sunburstkisser]

My Beloved Sunburst,

It's been a little while, I know, and I'm truly sorry for it. I just haven't had the time to pick up a pen or a quill lately. My shop gets flooded during the month of Nightmare Night, you know how it is. Ponies come in looking for decorations (In a curio shop? Strange, I know!) and other oddities to show off, or they bring along an artifact they think is haunted or something. It's fun to see them learn that it isn't, or that it is! Both reactions are part of what makes owning this place fun. I'd love to show you sometime ♡

But that's not why I'm writing to you, I just want to tell you how much I miss you. How much I long to be in your vicinity, we don't even have to be talking or cuddling. I just want to be near you, that's how much I miss you. I want to hear your cute little snorts when something interests you within that book you've read for the umpteenth time. I want to see your eyes light up when you finally realize how to put two, or three, unrelated spells together to make a brand new one. I want to watch your ears flick when you hear a teeny tiny sound that takes you out of your own little bookbound world.

If you'd like to cuddle, that'd be nice too. Your steady breathing and your heartbeat are like music to me. I'd give anything in all of Equestria to be beside you right now. You always smell like an old book, it's one of my favorite smells and I'm glad I get to experience it all the time when we're together. The way your soft, love-filled chuckles hum in your chest, and how your voice softens when it's just the two of us. I don't think there'd ever be a better sound to hear than you speaking to me like I'm the most precious thing in your life. SADLY I'm running out of scroll space, though, maybe I'll follow this one up with another here soon. I love you with all of my everything, Sunburst. I'll see you when I can, okay?

Patiently and forever yours, Morbid Curiosity ♡

[hekateinhell]

R63 human au where Lestat begs Armand to let her go down on her while she’s on her period 🥹

I feel like when I think about it, it's Armand doing it to Lestat because in my head, Lestat's almost always such a pillow princess! And Armand's a stone cold service top — she lives to please. And in the AU they established these dynamic early on when Armand would (literally) pursue Lestat after the classes they shared and pull her into an empty room, yank down her panties, and eat her out without saying a word. All before they ever actually had a proper conversation.

So I'm imagining Lestat getting her period once they're "properly" dating, and she's an absolutely miserable whiny mess. Achy and crying and extremely temperamental and argumentative (seriously... imagine Lestat with a period. I dare you). Armand knows that orgasms help with cramps and she just wants to soothe her pretty bratty princess and get her to shut the hell up, so she gets up and silently retrieves some towels and lays them out on the bed before summoning Lestat to strip all the way, yes, all the way, down.

Prior to getting with Armand, Lestat has had a lot of sex, she's a slut and proud of it (as she should be 🥰), but it's mostly been of the vanilla variety so she hasn't really had a chance to explore her kinks or be introduced to new ones.

Armand isn't always physically aggressive in bed (although it does come out when she's feeling possessive) but she is very domineering and when Lestat hesitates, Armand kisses her cheek and walks her to the bed before pushing her down and making quick work of her pants, panties, and pad. Ass on the towel, knees up and legs spread. Armand is so dedicated, and she absolutely takes advantage of how extra overly sensitive Lestat's nipples and clit are when she's on her cycle. It's a mess and Armand is just enough of a kinky freak to romanticize consuming the blood from her girlfriend's womb. 🥹 And of course Lestat's so sweet and cuddly after she's cum no less than five times in 45 minutes, at least twice on the strap-on.

Good for her.

Also, separately — I want genderswapped vampires but Lestat is simulating the act of eating out Armand on her period, like biting her tongue and pushing the blood into Armand's pussy and licking and sucking it back up while nicking Armand's clit with her fangs (I wanna work it into the sapphic L/A fic that's been vibing in docs for months now, pray for us).

[grimalkinmessor]

Thinking about an AU where Ritsu is the one who ends up being Reigen's student instead. Say he's there when Mob sees the sign, dissuades him from going in because "it's probably a scam anyway!" But then of course, little envious Ritsu ends up coming back the next day, unable to help himself at the chance, the possibility that someone could help him develop psychic powers like his brother. He figures Reigen out almost immediately, of course, because he demands to be shown Reigen's power. But Ritsu is desperate, and Reigen has always had a kind way with words, and soon enough Ritsu and Reigen are going ghosts adventures! Leaving Mob behind :') Even more alone than before :'))

And as S&S fills up with things of ACTUAL spiritual significance, like artifacts and purified salt and herbs at Ritsu's obsessive insistence as he tries to find an in to psychic powers and Reigen tries to encourage him without encouraging him, Ritsu and Reigen get closer. Ritsu is more surly than Mob, less inherently trusting and more emotional, more easily annoyed—but he has no reason to hate Reigen in this verse. Reigen has never even met Mob, much less used his powers for his own gain. Reigen grows incredibly fond of this desperate boy, good at everything but the one thing he wants to be good at, and tries to lead him away from those feelings of jealousy and inadequacy. In turn, Ritsu himself is healthier. A little easier going, though still almost perpetually bristling with temper 😮‍💨

He and Mob are closer as a result! He becomes Mob's only friend, more open with his own thoughts and feelings and, thanks to Reigen, far less afraid of him. Mob is more emotionally stunted than ever, and though he has some tentative acquaintances in the Telepathy club, he's still mostly alone and isolated. All of Reigen's helpful advice on dealing with his autism (identified by how Ritsu speaks about his Shige-nii and the behaviors he says he exhibits) is relayed through Ritsu, who comes to understand Mob a little more because of it.

But—oh, didn't I mention? This is a soulmate AU :)

Ritsu has two marks; one for Mob, and one for Reigen. Mob never develops a mark for Ritsu, but he expects that, obviously. Reigen also doesn't develop a mark for Ritsu, but given their age difference, Ritsu also expects that. He's a smart boy, and he knows that not all soulmarks are reciprocated. It's fine. They don't need to be. Ritsu has mostly made peace with his lot in life.

That is, before Mob and Reigen finally meet in person. And instantly develop matching soulmarks.

...Ritsu's psychic awakening is only slightly better than his brother's.

[seventh-district]

Could've left me just the way you found me, but you came and put your wings around me. You went out of your way, to fix what you didn't break.

This song is so incredibly Sam & Darlin' coded and no one can tell me otherwise.

[lots of lyrical analysis below the cut] [there's also a short little fanfic blurb of them stargazing down there too (this post got really out of hand lmao)]

For those not fully caught up, note that the following commentary contains various spoilers for Sam and Darlin's stories.

Note: Unfortunately this song is gendered, using the word 'girl' several times. Which sucks a little bit for immersion purposes, not only for keeping Darlin' gender-neutral, but also because I see this song as a duet between them, and Darlin' obviously wouldn't be addressing Sam with the word 'girl' either. So! As with most songs on their playlist, we're just gonna mentally omit any gendered terms we come across.

Side note: Frustratingly, this is one of those songs that didn't really even need to gender the subject in the first place. No part of the story or message is lost without it. But alas, many songs are like that, and so the playlist-makers of the world shall continue to suffer. [/lh]

Anyways, preamble's over. It's lyric time now yay!

Sam's Part

I was a ten-year train wreck

Technically for Sam I suppose it was 13 years, but ten is close enough (and 'ten' admittedly flows a lot better in the rhythm of the song than 'thirteen' would.) Anyways, we're not here to split hairs, (I have to remind myself), we're just here to point out similarities.

In Sam's Dec. '22 HBW, he says "For the last 13 years or so I haven't had to care too much about how I look. Seemed a little redundant after turnin', considerin' I didn't wanna be around much'a anybody anyway."

I think he's mentioned or alluded to that roughly 13 year period of time more than once, but that's the one I remember best so it's the example I'm using. There's still about 4 Sam audios I've yet to listen to as of making this post, so if I'm missing some Key Lore I'll edit this later. But for now, I don't think Sam has given many specifics on exactly how bad things got during that time. Luckily, 'train wreck' is a pretty broad and subjective term, so it easily covers any degree to which he may have fallen apart during those years.

It also feels like a very 'him' way of quickly brushing over the details of his past/his hurt, as he seems to tend to do with Darlin', (not all the time ofc but it's still something I've noticed) putting his own hurt on the backburner to prioritize and attend to theirs. Even outside of his dynamic with them, I think as a healer, it's something he learned to do. And now he does it with everyone. Put on a brave face, compartmentalize things and unpack them later, etc. I could go on and on but there'll be time for that in other posts I'm sure. For now, lets get back to the song at hand.

With a last-call longneck

Due to personal reasons, I've yet to decide if I want to HC him as having used alcohol as a coping mechanism during that time. I don't recall him having mentioned alcohol much, if at all, (maybe one mention of whiskey that I don't have time to find right now) so I don't think it's necessarily canon that he did, but it's certainly possible. My personal preferences aside, I'll admit it makes for some good additional angst. (And- self-indulgently- it makes some other songs on my playlist for them more fitting.) So, for the sake of this song, let's imagine that he did.

I was searchin', I'd been hurt real bad

This one feels pretty self-explanatory given what Alexis did, (and, if you wanna get even angstier with it, whatever his family did earlier on in his life) so there isn't much commentary to add on my end.

I HC that in spite of 'not wanting to be around anybody', he- like Darlin- still had a tiny part of himself buried deep down that was, in a way, 'searching' for someone to find solace in. (No this isn't me projecting onto them both haha what are you talking about-)

Movin' on, gettin' sidetracked One step forward and five back

This is generally applicable enough that I don't feel the need to give too much of a specific example. Anyone who's recovered or is recovering from trauma knows this non-linear, back-and-forth struggle well already, and I'm sure he was no stranger to it.

If I were to give some examples though, I could point to Darlin's (and subsequently, Sam's) encounter with Alexis at the summit, or the shit that Quinn dredged up about Fredrick and threw at Sam in the interrogation room. Those are both more recent examples and I imagine these lines of the song to be coming from a place of him prior to meeting Darlin', but still, they're some instances where I'm sure he felt like the past was pulling him back in. I'm sure that there's been many throughout those 13 years that we were never witness to.

Not your fault, I was scared to fall

This line reminds me of their 'Cuddles and Confessions' audio. I don't think he ever explicitly said he was 'scared' per se, so afaik there's no specific line I can quote, but in that and every audio prior, he was obviously hesitant to admit, perhaps even to himself, that he was gradually falling for them. Even after the initial confession, there's certain limits of his (e.g. biting) that he carries for far longer, and some that I (and others) HC that he'll carry forever. So this line feels to me like him reassuring Darlin' that his reluctance isn't the fault of them, but his past.

Darlin's Part

You were the star in the pitch black Shine the way on the way back

We don't have any canon instances of them comparing Sam to a star, but I can see it being something they'd say (perhaps less poetically, but the sentiment would be there) one night while laying up on their roof watching the stars with him. Maybe they're dead-tired, talking nonsense with lidded eyes at the end of a long day, fighting sleep in favor of more time spent with him.

"What- what're you pointin' at Darlin'?"

Their hazy focus is trained on the brightest star visible in their line of sight, arm stretched out to the sky above them. "That really bright one, to the... to the left."

Sam does his best to follow their less-than-specific directions of 'to the left', their pointed finger doing little to help given the difference in perspective. Luckily, after all these years, he knows this stretch of night sky like the back of his hand, so it isn't hard to locate the brightest one. Ghosting his fingers up along their arm, he takes their hand in his and brings it back down to earth. "Okay, yeah, I see it now. What about it though?"

"That's you." They say, matter-of-factly.

"That's me?" He questions, humor in his tone.

"Mhm." They nod with finality, blinking slow.

Sam considers the odd statement for a moment before gently correcting them. "I'm uh, I'm pretty sure that's Sirius, actually."

They scoff. "I am being serious."

Sam stifles a laugh into their hair. "No- no I mean- like... what's another name for it... Oh! It's also called the Dog Star."

"C'mon Sam, at least call it the Wolf Star if you're trying to turn this around on me..."

He shakes his head and readies himself to explain further, but they cut him off before he can start. "But no- no, this one isn't about me. That's you."

He decides to play along, finding something endearing in their overtired nonsense. "Okay... then would'ja be so kind as to explain to this confused old man just how, or why that star is me?"

Their frown is audible in their voice as they latch onto the wrong part of his sentence. "You're not old, Sam. ...Do I need to tell Asher to kick the jokes down a notch?"

He smiles at their over-protectivity. "There'll be no need for that, now. Was just a joke, darlin', I promise."

They huff, but thankfully shift focus back to the prior topic. "It's... I dunno. It's just you, Sam. It's... bright. Light. Something warm, out there in the cold dark. Standing out amongst all the rest. Calling to me, stealing my attention. I... I didn't come out here looking for it, but there it is. ...There you were. In the dark. The only bright thing I'd seen in... fuck, in years. Years of chasing fleeting warmth, tripping over myself in the pitch black, falling into... places 'n people I shouldn't have. You were the light in that darkness. Even there, surrounded by the ghost of him. You outshone it. Your warmth didn't hurt. I didn't have to squint when I looked at you. You weren't the blinding sun. You were the brightest star I'd ever seen. You guided me back home."

In the back of their mind, they recall something they once heard, something about light, and time, and distance. Space. Something about... how you can see a star that's already burnt out, because it's light hasn't reached earth yet. The ghost of a star that's already died. Only still perceptible thanks to time, and distance.

They remember Sam's words, once whispered to them on this very roof.

"Whatever your choice is... I'm not gonna live forever. I made that decision a long time ago."

They think about dead stars.

They think about time.

"...-lin'? Darlin'?" Sam's calloused hand slides up their forearm, pulling them out of their thoughts. "There you are. Think I lost ya' for a minute there... you good?"

They look up at Sam, concern creasing his features, shadows cast across his face from the light of the dying stars above him.

They reach out, pulling him down into them. Burying their face into his collar, Sam's concern grows when he feels it saturate with tears. A human might struggle to hear their words, muffled against the thick fabric, but his hearing catches it just fine.

"Don't burn out too quick. Please. I still need you here. I don't- I don't wanna be left in the dark again. Please, please Sam. Don't leave me here. I'm not selfish enough to ask you for forever, but please. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet."

.......Whoopsies! Really, genuinely didn't mean to improv an entire scene there, good god. Also didn't mean to swerve hard into angst at the end but uh. that's what came out! so I'm rolling with it lmao. Aaanyways let's move on, it's getting late and this is a song analysis post, not a fic.

Out of nowhere, answered all my prayers

'Out of nowhere' reminds me of Sam's words from the same HBW video I referenced earlier. "You came into my life like a damn wreckin' ball. There was no preparing for that, clothing or otherwise." While those were Sam's words, not Darlin's, I still feel like they feel similarly to how suddenly Sam came into their life as well. (Not in a bad way, mind you!)

[the significance of 'answered all my prayers' edges into my own personal more headcanon-y/personal/OC-ified Darlin' territory, so we can just gloss over this one for the sake of at least attempting to keep this more universally applicable]

Picked up the towel that I threw in Took in a heart that was ruined

Again, largely self-explanatory I feel. (*proceeds to explain anyways*) I imagine that Darlin' was at the point of throwing in the towel, hellbent on a solo-mission to find Quinn regardless of the danger it posed to them. I doubt they were looking toward the future anymore, (to reference Sam,) fully willing to throw themself at their problems until they really did break.

The specific use of 'ruined' hits hard here, because after everything they went through with Quinn, and especially after he recounted it all to Sam in that interrogation room, I imagine that they really, truly did feel ruined.

Showed me the past ain't a tattoo Loved me even when you didn't have to

These lines in particular make me sick with emotion every time I hear this song, because I feel like they hit the nail on the head for how Darlin' feels.

I'll be here citing various quotes all night that I feel showcase that sentiment, but we don't have time for that! So instead I'm just pointing to the entirety of 'Quinn's Aftermath' video, and leaving you with this single quote from it.

"Everything that he said reflects nothin' on you, and everything on him."

Equally Applicable Lines

And I don't know why Why you saw something in me, baby But you saw right through All the pain, and you came and saved me Yeah, I know you didn't leave me lonely Weren't the one that put the heartbreak on me Picked up the pieces It wasn't the mess that you made Could've left me just the way you found me But you came and put your wings around me You went out of your way To fix what you didn't break

Again, I think these lines are all pretty self-explanatory, and are just as accurate coming from either one of them. To me, at least, their entire dynamic is that they saved each other, in their own ways.

(But I will admit, the final verses about 'going out of your way to fix what you didn't break' are definitely conjuring up memories of Sam in the early days, literally going out of his way to visit and heal Darlin' after their fight with the two vamps. In general, his continued/repeated healing of them after they once again hurt themselves is the very literal definition of fixing what he didn't break.

But! While we may have more blatant examples of Sam being 'the fixer' so to speak, I think he'd argue that Darlin' has done plenty fixing of their own. Physical wounds aren't the only things that need healing, after all.)

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[shameless self-promo of my Sam & Darlin' playlist for those few of u interested enough to make it to the very end of this wall of text. if u liked this then u might like some of the other songs on there soooo maybe go check it out and maybe perhaps give it a follow so i can get a little serotonin boost or dopamine or whatever the chemical is that's released when Number Go Up. ...okay that's it i hope u enjoyed my fixation-induced ramblings! thank u and goodnight]